I also shared a bit of my story on the storytelling website To Be Told – you can read it HERE.
Category Archives: stories
Mothers Day… isn’t always so happy
Several years ago, I served as a writer for Examiner. One article I shared in 2010 expressed my thoughts on Mother’s Day. At the time I was mom to one little cutie.
Since American Mother’s Day is this Sunday, I thought I would share the [slightly modified] text of the article below. You can read the original post HERE.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For a number of years, I avoided Mother’s Day like a plague. I was perfectly content to remain holed up in my house, blinds closed, eating chocolate and waiting for the day to be over.
I so wanted to be a mother. But for me, Mother’s Day served as a harsh reality check.
For a number of years, I avoided Mother’s Day like a plague. I was perfectly content to remain holed up in my house, blinds closed, eating chocolate and waiting for the day to be over.
I so wanted to be a mother. But for me, Mother’s Day served as a harsh reality check.
You see, my dream wasn’t to be pregnant. My vision had nothing to do with maternity clothes. I battle my weight enough as it is, thank you very much.
I wasn’t one to “ooh” and “aah” over newborn garments. I never longed to go through the birth process.
No, my dream was to wear the hat of cheerleader, chef, housekeeper, chauffer, referee, nurse, and general multi-tasker. I longed to put our child to bed, read him a story, sing him a song, say prayers together, and tuck him in.
On a day like this, extra attention in the form of hugs or conversation might be the opposite of what she desires. But you could take the time to buy a card, write a thoughtful note, send some flowers, or give her a give certificate for a spa service. Find a way to let her know you care!
I found myself skipping church almost every Mother’s Day. I couldn’t bear another year where I remained in my seat while the pastor asked all of the mothers in the congregation to stand and be recognized.
I looked forward to nights of being frazzled and exhausted, realizing that I didn’t get half the things done that I intended to… but happy knowing that I spent time with him instead.
I dreamt of teaching him new things, watching him learn, and taking him new places. I longed to fix his boo-boos, calm his fears, and wipe away tears. I couldn’t wait to tickle him and hug him, and remind him over and over that I love him.
Our firsts weren’t about teeth or steps. Instead, we beamed the first time he called us Mommy & Daddy, the first time he saw the ocean, the first time he told us what he learned in Sunday School, the first time he sincerely said ‘I love you’.
My dream wasn’t tied around the idea of a baby. My dream was to be a mom. And in late 2007, that dream came true. Mother’s Day 2010 will be the third I celebrate as my son’s mother.
I look back to just a few years ago, and remember how hard Mother’s Day was. I look at it now with delight and excitement. God allowed me to become a mother in HIS timing. We arrived in our son’s birth country at the exact time we needed to in order to add him to our family.
As we approach Mother’s Day, consider those ladies close to you that might be struggling. Perhaps infertility haunts her. Or it could be she’s lost a child. Maybe she is stuck in the seemingly endless paperwork of adoption. Or maybe she gave a child up for adoption. Whatever their struggle, it’s likely not an easy day for her.
On a day like this, extra attention in the form of hugs or conversation might be the opposite of what she desires. But you could take the time to buy a card, write a thoughtful note, send some flowers, or give her a give certificate for a spa service. Find a way to let her know you care!
20 Years Later: What cancer took from me, and what it gave me
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| ©Billy Howard Photography (1994) from the art show & book Angels & Monsters: A Child’s Eye View of Cancer (find it HERE on Amazon) |
Twenty years ago today, my oncologist confirmed that all of my scans were clear. Thirteen months of chemotherapy behind me, and loads of possibility and unknowns ahead. I was officially in remission, off-therapy, and a cancer survivor*.
Twenty years. I don’t remember a lot of details. Partly because it has been a long time, and partly because that’s what chemo does to your brain. But I do remember what it feels like to be so sick that you start to wonder how cancer could be worse than what the chemo is doing to you. I remember the feeling of receiving Benadryl through an IV (amazing what that can do for nausea – and how quickly it makes you sleep!). I recall how good it felt each time the scans would come back clear after an MRI or spinal tap. And I remember how excited – and scared – I was when they said I was finished with chemo.
Cancer took a lot from me. It took my hair – quite devastating for an 18 year old girl. It took my energy. I felt tired all the time. It took the majority of my senior year. I completed most of the final semester from home. It took me away from friends and activities. It took what should have been my first semester of college. While most of my friends were off to school, I was spending my days in the hospital or sick at home.
Yes, cancer took a lot. But cancer gave me a lot as well.
There were little things: an amazing hat collection, more flower deliveries than I could count, gifts and visits from family & friends, a standing ovation at my high school graduation, and lots of other fun little things. But the big things are much more memorable and important.
Cancer gave me the chance to really examine who I am and what I believe. And even though I was sick and my body was weak, my faith grew stronger. I felt God’s presence, and I knew He could make something beautiful out of my circumstances.
Cancer gave me more time with my family. It gave me a chance to evaluate relationships and priorities. It opened doors to my participation in/with newspaper, television, and an art exhibition. It provided me with the opportunity to set goals. It gave me (and continues to give me) so many opportunities to share my faith with others. And cancer gave me the chance to start college a semester late, at the right time so that I could meet the man I would one day marry.
I am a cancer survivor, but that is only a part of who I am. It is a journey that I would not have chosen. But it is a journey that made me stronger in many ways, and one that ultimately led me to, among other things, my husband, my children, and a life overseas. I am grateful that God has given me this testimony, and twenty years of life and opportunities. God is good!
You can read more about my cancer experience HERE.
*And FYI – once you’ve lived a moment beyond your diagnosis, you are a survivor in my book!
What next? / New year, new opportunities
Just a few hours ago, we found ourselves sitting at the airport in Budapest, with some time to spare before we departed for home. While Zack and Daniel explored shops and walked around, William and I talked about setting goals for 2015. Lots of things were discussed, including reading the Bible more, social goals (cross-cultural living can often make you a bit less social), family time, and improving areas of our lives.
What is it about the changing of the calendar that gives us the feeling of wanting to and even the motivation that we need to change, or refocus, to start something new, or to put something behind us? As we say goodbye to one year and hello to another, why is it that most people take time to evaluate and reflect?
Now don’t get me wrong. I do like the idea of looking at a new year as a blank page filled with opportunity and promise. There are definitely things I want to focus on and things I need to set aside.
But the reality is I want – and need – to do this every day. Each day is filled with opportunity. Each time I wake, I am given the chance to choose.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. (Psalms 3:5 HCSB)
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:23 NLT)
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. (Psalms 42:8 NLT)
So for 2015, I choose to approach each day in search of opportunities to show kindness, to put love into action, to be an encouragement, to learn from my mistakes, to use wisely what I’ve been given, and to be open about my struggles.
The last few months have especially revealed to me the importance of that last item. I have always been quick to share when things are going well. But when I open up about what I’m struggling with, it leaves me vulnerable. However, I’m learning that my vulnerability is minuscule in comparison to what else can happen.
My openness often allows others to know they are not alone. We joke that misery loves company, but I think it is so valuable to know you are not alone in your valley, and to have someone to walk along with. And almost without fail, people who have previously faced similar experiences will share and encourage me.
Opening up also shows that life isn’t always sunshine and roses. Sometimes it helps others understand the not-so-glamorous side of living outside of your passport country – and maybe gives them some insight into what other friends might be dealing with.
And this openness gives me the opportunity to share my faith, and God the opportunity to demonstrate His goodness to a broader audience, whether it be through the removal of the challenge, or through the way He sustains me in spite of the challenge. I want to be open to God using me to demonstrate who He is, regardless of how He chooses to do so.I also have a couple of concrete goals I want to focus on, but I believe they will contribute to these goals and this new frame of mind for the new year.
Do you like to set goals or make resolutions as you enter a new year? Are there things you will be trying in 2015? Habits you will try to leave behind in 2014? How will you approach this new year and these new opportunities?
It’s a Little Known Fact #wheniwasyounger
I guess I’m dating myself using that title. Of course, if you immediately thought of Cliff Clavin when you read it, you are admitting your age as well 🙂
I have had some pretty cool opportunities in my life so far. Here are some interesting things – aka little know facts – you might not know about me…
I’ve placed a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery.
- I’ve been interviewed on both local news and a national television show about university opportunities via the internet.
- I met Hillary Rodham Clinton in the First Lady’s Rose Garden.
- I was once an action hero (not quite, but there was a character on a TV show with my maiden name – http://soldiersofthefuture.wikia.com/wiki/Jennifer_Chase)
- Zack and I were ‘models’ for a bridal and formal wear shop on a local TV show
- I’ve been on the cover of a magazine.
You’ll have to take me at my word for most of these, as they were pre-digital cameras and the photos are back in the states. But I do have proof of the last one. Here I am, cover model at age 3 1/2 for a local cable television magazine 🙂
I would love to hear some of our readers’ little-known-facts!
Have a great weekend!
Mother’s Day: not always a joyous occasion
Several years ago, I was a writer for Examiner. I wrote as the Atlanta Adoptive Families Examiner. I shared stories of Atlanta families who had adopted, local and national adoption news, and tips and recommendations for adoptive families or those who know an adoptive family.One article I shared in 2010 expressed my thoughts on Mother’s Day. At the time I was mom to one little cutie (hard to believe he’ll be 12 in two weeks!).
With American Mother’s Day coming up this Sunday, I thought I would share the text of the article here.You can read the original post HERE.
For a number of years, I avoided Mother’s Day like a plague. I was perfectly content to remain holed up in my house, blinds closed, eating chocolate and waiting for the day to be over.
I found myself skipping church almost every Mother’s Day. I couldn’t bear another year where I remained in my seat while the pastor asked all of the mothers in the congregation to stand and be recognized.
I so wanted to be a mother. But for me, Mother’s Day served as a harsh reality check.
You see, my dream wasn’t to be pregnant. My vision had nothing to do with maternity clothes. I battle my weight enough as it is, thank you very much.
I wasn’t one to “ooh” and “aah” over newborn clothes. I never longed to go through the birth process.
No, my dream was to wear the hat of cheerleader, chef, housekeeper, chauffer, referee, nurse, and general multi-tasker. I longed to put our child to bed, read him a story, sing him a song, say prayers together, and tuck him in.
I looked forward to nights of being frazzled and exhausted, realizing that I didn’t get half the things done that I intended to… but happy knowing that I spent time with him instead.
I dreamt of teaching him new things, watching him learn, and taking him new places. I longed to fix his boo-boos, calm his fears, and wipe away tears. I couldn’t wait to tickle him and hug him, and remind him over and over that I love him.
Our firsts weren’t about teeth or steps. Instead, we beamed the first time he called us Mommy & Daddy, the first time he saw the ocean, the first time he told us what he learned in Sunday School, the first time he sincerely said ‘I love you’.
My dream wasn’t tied around the idea of a baby. My dream was to be a mom. And in late 2007, that dream came true. Mother’s Day 2010 will be the third I celebrate as my son’s mother.
I look back to just a few years ago, and remember how hard Mother’s Day was. I look at it now with delight and excitement. God allowed me to become a mother in HIS timing. We arrived in our son’s birth country at the exact time we needed to in order to add him to our family.
As we approach Mother’s Day, consider those ladies close to you that might be struggling. Perhaps infertility haunts her. Maybe she is stuck in the seemingly endless paperwork of adoption. Whatever their struggle, it’s likely not an easy day for her.
On a day like this, extra attention in the form of hugs or conversation might be the opposite of what she desires. But you could take the time to buy a card, write a thoughtful note, send some flowers, or give her a give certificate for a spa service. Find a way to let her know you care!
The Newest Little Boy Dove
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Look at those cheeks, and those sweet little fingers
– so precious!
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He’s here!
We are so excited for Josh & Savannah (Zack’s brother & his wife). Their first child, a healthy and beautiful baby boy, was born March 5 at 3:33 PM EST.
It’s hard to believe Zack’s baby brother is a daddy now!
Everyone is doing well, and we are so thankful for this new little life!
I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for.
And now I have dedicated him to God. He’s dedicated to God for life.
1 Samuel 1:27-28
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Denne gutten var det jeg ba om, og Herren har gitt meg det jeg ba ham om.
Nå gir jeg ham tilbake til Herren for hele hans levetid. Han skal tilhøre Herren.
Første Samuelsbok 1.27-28
19 Years Cancer Free
How did you spend your senior year of high school? I would imagine that most of you would say finishing projects, waiting on college acceptance letters, skipping a few classes, making memories with friends, and looking towards graduation and new chapters.
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| ©Billy Howard Photography (1994) from the art show & book Angels & Monsters: A Child’s Eye View of Cancer (find it HERE on Amazon) |
That’s how I thought I’d spend my senior year, too. But sometimes life throws you a curve ball (for my European friends, it’s a baseball analogy for something difficult or tricky). And that’s exactly what happened to me.
It started with strange pains in my right leg/hip. Multiple doctor visits, blood work and a biopsy resulted in an appendectomy and exploratory abdominal surgery. Turns out, my appendix was fine. What didn’t seem fine was a lymph node the size of an egg. It was sent off for testing, but the results said it was benign.
That was October/November 1993. By January 1994, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn’t stand up straight unless I pulled my left leg up towards my chest. I was frequenting the chiropractor who, through x-rays, could see what he called a ‘gas pocket’. Most nights as my family slept, I would toss and turn, trying to make myself comfortable with stacks of pillows and piles of ibuprofen, or attempting to soak in a hot bath to relieve the pain.
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| ©Billy Howard Photography follow-up photo for the book (@2001) |
By the beginning of February, I found myself in the hospital with a diagnosis of Stage IV Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. That ‘gas pocket’ was a large tumor pressing on my spine.
And thus began my life of living with the C word: Cancer.
There were times where I laid in a drug-induced coma, the doctors telling my family that the chances were slim and they needed to pray. Sometimes it was because of the cancer. Other times it was because of a gram-negative infection or meningitis, brought on when my immune system had been weakened by the chemo.
But through it all, God gave me peace. Looking back, I can’t remember a single time that I thought I was going to die. I guess others must have thought it, but it never crossed my mind.
Yesterday, February 28, 2014, I celebrated 19 years since I finished chemo. 19 years since I was declared cancer-free. It hit me that more of my life has been as a cancer-survivor than not.
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| ©Billy Howard Photography Billy graciously took family portraits when we first brought William home (2008) |
During my treatment I was invited to participate in an art project, which was later turned into a book (Angels & Monsters: A Child’s Eye View of Cancer). In the project, I shared about a dream I had shortly after my diagnosis. You’ll have to read the book to get the whole story, but one of the lines I wrote at age 18 was “It then occurred to me that perhaps I hadn’t yet fulfilled all that God planned for me.”
I’m thankful that God chose to heal me this side of heaven. And thankful that all of this is part of my testimony. Thankful for the way he led me to a husband who loves me, even when I’m moody and difficult (I still blame that on the chemo side-effects!). Thankful for the way he built our family across continents. Thankful for the opportunity He has given us to work in a new country and culture. Thankful that He is patient with me when I don’t get it right.
Nineteen years later, I have so much to be thankful for. This anniversary reminded me of that, and reminded me not to forget the journey God has allowed me to take.
*Special thanks to my friend Billy Howard (Billy Howard Photography) for capturing some special milestones of my our journey. Billy, you and your camera are quite a pair!