Tag Archives: expat

Confessions of a cross-cultural mom: the art of goodbye

Most of the time we love our life here. I mean, L.O.V.E. love it.

But there are some aspects of the cross-cultural/ex-pat life that are tough.

Last night, as I tried to console my 9 year old, he reminded me of one of the toughest. In between heavy sobs and rivers of tears, he cried out “I don’t want to say goodbye!”

He had just gone to bed after saying goodnight to his Gram (my mom), who has been here the past several days, and was flying back to the states this morning. And as I attempted to calm him, all I could do was hold him tight and agree.

Our lives are a series of hellos and goodbyes. Maybe that is true for everyone, but it is amplified when you live outside your passport country. We are always thrilled to have visitors. And yet, we’ve all come to the point where we recognize that every visit also means a goodbye is around the corner. We look forward to company meetings where we get to connect with coworkers from all over Europe that we haven’t seen in a long time. And those goodbyes are on a different level, as it involves a collection of families that are all accustomed to this part of life. It might be the goodbyes of visiting with friends on vacation, or the goodbye when a friend here moves back to their home country.

So if you know someone living cross-culturally, understand that goodbye can be a difficult thing. Grant them some grace if they struggle for a period after a visit or trip. It is not at all a reflection on their unhappiness in their current setting. But it is a reality of having your heart in two different places.

Don’t Judge

We decorated for Christmas this weekend.

The city is starting to look a bit more like Christmas with each passing day. So we thought we’d get in the spirit, too!
I know a lot of people will say it’s too early. Maybe it is. But if you read my last post, you know how dark and depressing it can be this time of year. And expat life during the holidays can be a little rough if you’re not careful.
So this is one of the ways we combat the blues! It sure did put smiles on everyone’s faces. And for that, I will not apologize!

 

Real Life

Some days the expat life is great. Other days it can be a struggle.But a couple of recent days stand out as days where I have to pinch myself to be certain this is real life.

Out doing some work in our neighboring city, Tønsberg

 

Coffee and conversation with a local friend

 

Back to School

My primary goal for my sons is not that they live a comfortable, safe, easy life. No, I want them to be challenged and stretched, I want them to experience things and grow from those experience.But at the same time, I do want them to be happy. With all of the changes and adjustments they’ve dealt with in their short lives, a certain sense of comfort isn’t a bad thing.

And when I see them comfortable and happy, it is an encouragement for this momma’s heart!

That is what I saw last Thursday morning, as they returned to their school for a third year (this will be their second full year). They are in a familiar environment, where they are known and cared for. They enjoy school, and they have teachers who challenge them and help them reach their potential. They aren’t seen as a number, and they are encouraged to develop at a pace that suits each of them, without going too easy on them.

As I’ve said before, I’ve learned that when my kids are thriving in this expat life, it makes everything easier.

First day of school after arriving in Norway
Daniel: Grade 1, William: Grade 4

 

First day of school 2013
Daniel: Grade 2, William: Grade 5

 

First day of school 2014
Daniel: Grade 3, William: Grade 6

 

Home. No place like it. #expatlife

Growing up, I remember a sign that read:

Home is where the heart is

It was just a sign then. But living the ex-pat life has really brought that phrase to life. The idea of home changes a lot when you find yourself living in five different places over the course of 6 months. (So thankful we’ve been able to call one place home for the past 15 months!) Longtime neighbors and being recognized at the local supermarket are replaced by packing, unpacking, and trying to learn your way around.Over the past year and a half, we’ve come to have this joke that one of the highest compliments we can pay someone is to tell them something feels normal. Sitting outside for dinner with our neighbors – normal. Spending time with our friends on their boat – normal. Smelling freshly mowed grass – normal. Things that are familiar from our “past life” can bring a sense of comfort.

And yet, normal also changes as you move from culture to culture.

Home is where the heart is. It is the place where we are all together, the place where we can unpack a suitcase and use our own pillows, where we can relax and breathe easy.

After almost two years of this new life, these are things we’ve learned. But I also know that when we visit the states in the future, we will have some adjustments to make and some reverse culture shock to deal with.

I just read THIS ARTICLE, and it has some really helpful and practical info for returning to your home country.

Thought I’d post it on the blog…

  1. So I can reference it when we visit America for a couple of months next year
  2. For those who might be returning to their home culture soon
  3. For those of you who have friends or family returning the states after an extended period overseas

What’s it Like: Eating Out

Eating out was a frequent part of everyday life when we lived in the states. It was typically inexpensive, and was the most common way to meet up with friends.But not so much in Norway. Going out to eat was a pretty big part of our culture in the states, but not really a norm here. While we do have restaurants, you don’t normally find yourself having to wait for a table due to large crowds. Most of the time if we want to meet up with friends, we do so in one of our homes, or maybe at a park or out for a walk.

We do go out occasionally. I kind of like that it isn’t so common: that makes it more of a treat! Here are some shots from various restaurants we’ve visited since moving here.

Enjoying fish & chips in Sweden
Excited over Swedish pancakes
A special dinner out with friends
at a traditional Norwegian restaurant
One more perk of a visit from grandparents:
a trip to Oslo and a meal at TGI Fridays
Our anniversary last year:
Chinese food!
Our favorite burger place: Star Grill

 

A national favorite (and a family favorite!):
the kebab tallerken
The boys enjoying kebab
A rare trip to McDonalds (not our fave

American Hospitality

Not only have our friends here in Norway helped us in these first fourteen months. Friends and family from back in the states have also done things to love on and encourage us. From cards to emails, phone calls to care packages, we’ve gotten so much enjoyment from every gesture of kindness.Here is just a sampling of the outpouring of love… thanks to everyone who has sent us bits of encouragement right when we needed them 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Norwegian Hospitality

Over the past fourteen months, we’ve been blessed by so many incredible people. They’ve invited us into their homes, as well as on outings around Norway. We are so thankful for the way they’ve included us and taught us so much through their kindness.Here are a few pictures of just some of the events we’ve been included in and/or hospitality that has been extended to us since arriving here…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s it like: Being the new person #expatliving

I don’t know about you, but the thought of being the new person has always brought on a lot of anxiety for me.I remember the summer before fourth grade, when my parents moved us to a new city. I left the comfort of a small private school where I knew everyone, and began public school for the first time. The first day was filled with lots of butterflies in the stomach. But I have to tell you how relieved I was when I met another girl in my class who was also a first-timer, after her first few years in private school. We quickly became friends, and remain friends now, nearly 30 years later.

Then came the bigger move, in the middle of tenth grade. After years with friends and many layers of comfort and familiarity, I had to transfer mid-school year to a new high school, an hour+ away from our old town. I knew no one. No.One. Sixteen years old, with my own car, I suddenly found myself alone again. And riding the bus. Yes, humiliating. And this was the country. So all the kids – from elementary to high school – rode on one bus together. As the bus driver blasted Billy Ray Cyrus. Every.single.day.

That transition was a bit harder, but I made it. In America, at least in my experience, people tend to be curious about the new person. They introduce themselves to you, and ask questions.

And I thought that was normal. But as with many things over the past year, I’m learning that some of what we considered ‘normal’ is really more cultural.

Foreign to Familiar
by Sarah A. Lanier

Such is the case with being the new person. Thankfully, we read about what to expect before we arrived in Norway. So it wasn’t a total surprise. But there is a difference in reading something and experiencing it firsthand…

In America, people introduce themselves to the new person. But here in Norway, the new person should not simply assume or expect the same. We’ve learned that if you want to meet people, you need to just go ahead and introduce yourself. It’s one of the cultural differences we’ve come to recognize and accept.

What is it like where you come from? Who introduces whom? Have you ever had a cross-cultural difference that created difficulties?

Related Reading: Much of this stems from the differences between Hot and Cold cultures/societies. A year or two ago, I read a book that helped me a lot in processing these differences: Foreign to Familiar: A Guide to Understanding Hot and Cold-Climate Cultures. A great read to help you recognize and hopefully avoid cross-culture misunderstandings.

 

Cost of Living

A report was recently released, ranking the world’s most expensive cities to live in. And Oslo – our country’s capital (just north of where we live) – comes in at number four.

Read the report HERE

When we moved to Vancouver, we experienced sticker shock. Everything seemed so expensive. Vancouver is North America’s most expensive city. But after a month or so, we learned where to shop, which brands were the most affordable, and how to join customer reward programs.

And then we arrived in Norway. Sticker shock all over again.

But there are a few things to keep in mind..

  1. Our cost of living was low in the states.
  2. I was a coupon queen. I spent a couple of hours each week with my binder of coupons, scissors, sale ads, and a couple of really good websites. I’ve found some discount programs here, but not the same.
  3. A different currency can throw your brain for a loop! Currently, the exchange rate is about 5.95 Norwegian kroner (nok) to 1 US dollar (USD). So just looking at the prices initially was a bit shocking. Imagine a pack of pasta that might cost the equivalent of $1.80 – but you see 10.90.
  4. Import products are strictly regulated in Norway, and heavily taxed. Most things in the stores are local products, and most are also a very high quality.
  5. Restaurants seem especially expensive. But this is not an eat-out/restaurant culture like our home culture was.
  6. Prices are all-inclusive: the price you see already includes tax.
  7. Prices are higher, but wages are higher as well.
And again, after a while you learn where to shop, what the locals buy, and how to find discounts. You stop converting every price to US dollars, and begin recognizing a good deal when you see one.

EXTREME EXAMPLES

Of course we get funny and interesting reactions every time someone comes to visit us. Here are some extreme examples, things we like to show visitors just for shock value.
  • 79 nok ($13 usd) for a small box of pop-tarts [And no, we don’t buy those!]
  • $4 – 5 usd for a loaf of bread [But it is good, fresh bread, without junk in it] [And this is one reason why I make my own bread!]
  • 4000 nok ($725 usd) for a KitchenA!d stand mixer [Wish I could have brought mine with me]
  • $27 for a large cheese pizza [Yes, we buy these sometimes – and they are so good!]
  • Is that basic bicycle almost $500?” [You learn to take care of your things like these and make them last a long time.]

And just for fun, here is an interesting table from that report, showing some commonly purchased items, and what they cost in US dollars. How do prices in your city stack up to these?

Source: Worldwide Cost of Living 2013